Don’t Be an Arseling: Best Practices for Being a Good TTRPG Tablemate

Tabletop RPGs (TTRPGs) are one of the purest forms of collaborative storytelling. You and your friends get together to build worlds, solve puzzles, defeat monsters, and occasionally set entire towns on fire because someone thought it would be "funny." (You know who you are.)

But while a little chaos is part of the charm, some habits can seriously disrupt the fun for everyone at the table. If you want to be the kind of player people actually want to adventure with — and not just tolerate — here’s a guide to avoiding the most common TTRPG pet peeves.

Don't Hog the Spotlight

Your character is cool. We believe you. But TTRPGs are a team sport. If every conversation, battle, or dramatic reveal somehow circles back to you, it gets exhausting for everyone else. Make space for quieter players. Cheer on someone else's big moment. Share the spotlight like you're all co-stars, and your tablemates will do the same for you. How much cooler will your own crowning moments of awesome be if the rest of your table is cheering you on rather than sighing because you’re the center of attention yet again?

Give Everyone a Chance To Shine

Some players are naturally louder, while others may need a little space and time to step up. Notice who hasn't had much to do lately and look for chances to lift them up, whether that's tossing them the reins during a social encounter or inviting them into your character’s plans. Being a good player isn’t just about building your character’s story. It’s about building everyone’s story together. However, do be careful that what you’re doing is something that the person is comfortable with. Not everyone wants to be the face of the party and may prefer their awesome moments to be of the “light everything on fire” variety instead.

Stay Engaged (Even When It's Not Your Turn)

It’s tempting to scroll your phone or doodle a masterpiece when you’re not directly involved, but TTRPGs lose their magic when players mentally check out. Stay present. Listen to what’s happening. React in character, even if you’re not in the thick of it. Being engaged shows respect for your GM and your fellow players — and honestly, it makes the whole experience way more immersive and fun. If you want people to pay attention when it’s your turn to shine, then the best way to get that is to give others the same courtesy.

Respect the Tone of the Game

Not every game is a grimdark tragedy, and not every session is slapstick comedy — but whatever the vibe is, try to support it. If the table is carefully building a tense, emotional moment, and your character decides to moonwalk across the battlefield for laughs, it breaks immersion. (Save it for the tavern scene afterward.) Knowing when to joke and when to play it straight is part of being a great player.

Don't Rules-Lawyer the Fun Away

Knowing the rules is great. Weaponizing them to win arguments, show off, or derail the flow of the game? Not so much. Trust your DM to make quick calls when needed, and remember that the story matters more than the letter of the law. If something feels really wrong, bring it up respectfully — but choose your battles. 

We actually have a rules-lawyer player at our table (Tori Selznick!) – if she doesn’t know the rule, then it’s clearly not important. But her knowledge ends up making gameplay more fun because she knows when it’s appropriate to mention a rule and when it’s not. But she’s also there with her encyclopedic knowledge of rules and how things work so that if we have questions (which I often do, as a newer player), she’s happy to apply that knowledge to helping the rest of us out.

Keep Your Character In Character — But Not at Everyone Else's Expense

Being true to your character is important, but "it's what my character would do" shouldn't be an excuse to sabotage the party, hog the narrative, or be a jerk. Good roleplay balances personal goals with group dynamics. A character can have flaws, rivalries, even secrets — but they should still want the story (and the party) to succeed on some level. Otherwise, you’re just playing solo at a group table.

Communicate Out of Character When Needed

Drama in the game = good. Drama around the table = bad. If a scene or storyline is pushing your boundaries, speak up. If you're not sure whether something is in-game teasing or real irritation, ask. Good communication keeps the game safe, fun, and drama-free (where it counts). A quick, "Hey, just checking — are you cool with this?" can make all the difference.

During my first-ever session of D&D with my table, I ended up having to do a lot of the talking for a certain part of the quest, but ended up being really awkward about it, and was so worried that I was messing everything up for everybody else that it was evident on my face that I wasn’t having the best time. So when we took a break, we talked about it, and they knew they weren’t upsetting me (I was doing that to myself), and I knew that they were having fun and I wasn’t a problem. Communication won the day!

Don’t Grind the Game to a Halt

Everyone needs a minute sometimes — maybe you're weighing a big decision or planning your next move carefully — but if you’re constantly stalling while everyone else waits, it can drag the whole session down. Try to stay ready to act when your turn comes up, and keep side activities (like elaborate shopping sprees or lengthy private chats with NPCs) short and purposeful. If you really need more time, a quick "Hey, can we come back to me?" keeps the game flowing. Remember: the adventure keeps moving when you do.

The only time I have difficulty with this is when playing the level 20 bard that my table asked me to create at level 20. I haven’t played this character up from level 1, so there are a crap ton of spells, and I didn’t have the luxury of learning them gradually, so they’re actually easy to remember. I try to be as on-the-ball as possible with picking a spell, but I don’t always manage to go through them all before it comes around to my turn again, and they do end up waiting for me a little bit sometimes. Fortunately, my efforts to minimize that time go a long way, and they are aware of the situation. They were the ones who asked me to start at 20 for that campaign, after all!

Try To Be Considerate of the Others at Your Table

TTRPGs work because we trust each other to build something bigger than ourselves. Being a great player isn’t just about making clever moves or epic speeches — it’s about being generous with your attention, your creativity, and your respect. The best adventures are the ones where everyone leaves the table feeling like a hero, both in the story and in real life. Now grab your dice, summon your chaotic good energy, and go be the player everyone’s excited to roll initiative with.

Learn More About TTRPG Best Practices With Finding Atoria

Check out our Finding Atoria podcast episode in which our own Tori Selznick discusses TTRPG best practices and pet peeves, as well as what to avoid at your table.